A Job Hopper? Or Just An Interesting Individual?

ever had those moments when a comment someone makes jolts you so strongly that you can only respond: “whaaaat….??? where did that come from? and what does that mean?”

i had that moment some time back at a friend’s house where i had gone for dinner. the friend’s younger brother (who is also working) asked me where i was working. i mumbled something about a magazine. he broke into a smile and said, “you know, every time i meet you, you are a in a new job – or a new industry! i’ve never met anyone like you before!” for a few seconds, i stood with my mouth open like a goldfish, and then squeaked out the above-mentioned reaction. i should have said something smart and sarcastic like, “yeah, that’s cos we meet like once in two years!” (ok, that’s not exacly smart or sarcastic, but it would have been better than the “whaaat…?” response.

and that wasn’t the first time i faced jibes from people about shifting jobs frequently. having worked in research, TV news, book publishing and magazines – all within the short span of 3 – 4 years – i guess i could call myself a jackie of all trades. except that it’s not always seen that way – one person nicknamed me a “serial job hopper” for that.

when folks ask me about why i shifted between jobs so much, i would say i was (am) still looking for something that tugs at my heart strings and makes me want to jump up every morning and run to work. is there such a job? frankly, i don’t know. i used to think that working in the media was my biggest life ambition. and i tried real hard to get my foot in – which led to a string of occurences that in some way fulfilled my desire but also left my dissatisfied and hungering for more. and like the gambler who tries his luck, i began to try mine. except that at some points, i used to look around at my more stable peers and wish i could have hung on longer, made a name for myself, created some history instead of pleasant but passable memories.

and now, i seem to have come the full circle. i look back at the past three or four years and wonder if i should have fought so hard to get my way. i remember hearing somewhere once that if a door closes, it is probably because you are not meant to go through it. hmmm…now, i am going to enter very unknown, unchartered territory in the span of the next few weeks – a new job awaits. a new career direction that may or may not be the one that will define my life from now on. there is that feeling of nervousness – almost like i were walking blindfolded through a door.

but hey, not everyone thinks its bad to have a life that is marked by so many breaks and shifts – as one very enlightened soul said in the Sunscreen song, don’t be afraid if you don’t know what to do with your life. some of the interesting people didn’t know at 22 what to do with their life. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds still don’t know!

so here’s to being one of the more interesting individuals around! 🙂

Dial A for Alpha Mom

not too long ago, i wrote a post about how hard it can be to live as domestic goddesses – i thought that maybe the increased numbers of women who land themselves in hospital thanks to extreme stresses would serve as a wake-up call. but i was oh-so-mistaken. just yesterday, i read an article on “alpha moms” – the kind that are The Nanny, Yummy Mummy and Bake Sale Genius rolled into one. and yes, it is back on trend to get married and have kids – even as you race to the top of the corporate ladder and join the C-suite – all before you are 27. i couldn’t trace the article, but here is an urban dictionary definition for the alpha mum:

“What happens when an ‘A’ type personality has toddlers. The type of mom that makes other moms feel totally inadequate and inferior because of their constant attempts to outdo other mothers. They can give birth, bake cookies, work on their laptop and drive all at the same time. Their kids grow up in their car seats looking at the back of their mom’s head as their driven from one activity to the next. Incredibly competitive and judgmental, Alpha Mom has to be the first with the latest trends and fads and her kids always have to be ahead of all the other kids. Intimidating in Mommy circles. To be avoided if possible. For example: ‘She was up at 3 a.m. baking cookies for her son’s class and already has her next two weeks planned down to the last zenith. She’s such an Alpha Mom.’“

 

alpha moms have set the notch – sorry, bar – even higher than domestic goddesses. these are the women who will march into the PTA meeting in sky-high Jimmy Choos, dressed in Dior, Prada bag in one hand and BlackBerry in the other and stare down the teacher before she can begin. but the next minute, you will see them paying extremely close attention to the teacher’s comments to make sure they know why the child’s grades slipped from A++ to A+-. and then end the meeting with a box of gourmet cookies for the teacher – homemade, mind you. did i mention they are always a healthy size 6? (celery and carrot sticks are favoured snacks in their household, closely followed by non-fat yoghurt and blueberries.)

 

their kids are invariably the very best in everything they do. and they do a lot – from being in the gifted kids programme to ballet or sports to even volunteering to build schools in less developed countries. and all this is programmed into their daily routines from the time they are placed in their baby bjorns. and when alpha mums are around, there will be no squabbles – kids will be sat down on the couch (or park bench) and put through a negotiation process. tantrums in the supermarket aisles will end even before they begin. clothes will remain clean and maintain their iron creases until the day ends – after which they will be tossed into the laundry basket. and when they visit the cinema/zoo/museum (?), the kids will be well-behaved with no shouting/screaming/venting – and for all you know, might even express a very intelligent opinion on whatever it is they are looking at.

while i do look at the women and wonder if they have a masochistic gene in them, there is a side of me that wants to applaud – and then sink to my knees and kow-tow. there is some thing very super-heroine-ish about them. i mean, just how is it that they took motherhood to the heights of CEO operations? once upon a time, the word “mum” would bring to mind a lady in jeans with the bag with kiddy supplies serenely sitting on the parkbench and reading a book while looking over the swings to make sure the kid is still ok. with alpha mums on the scene, being a “mum” is suddenly a whole lot more – for want of a better word – professional. motherhood is no longer about being in the home. home is now another word for HQ. and these women could be featured on the cover of fashion magazines (some of them already are) anytime with no prior prepping.

i just have one gripe about them – they restrict themselves to their own families. they should start whizzing out and helping the non-alpha mums with their minor crises. come on ladies, we know you can build that bat mobile in half the time (and as women, you would build it a whole lot better). and given that you are already masters at juggling, what’s a super-heroine assignment for you? easy-peasy – sorry for the local lingo, i meant it should be very manageable.

and if you are giving a listening ear to your “modest” side that wonders if the effort will be worth the time, i know the mums will approve – i mean, who cares whether super man saved them from some planet exploding in outer space? not when they are desperately trying to keep their toddler from screaming for candy even as 100 pairs of eyes follows you down that aisle. and they know you will be done in time for the sit-down dinner with the family.

so alpha moms, strap on those louboutins and keep the i-phone on the ready – you never know when those calls might start coming in.

when she grew up

she loved to fantasise about how she would be when she grew up. what was exactly the point when she would be “grown up” she didnt know, but it seemed like an alluring point to reach. when she could leave behind the problems that dogged her and become a strong, independant female – someone who was beautiful, like that the tall girl she saw at the bakery the other day…someone who could walk up with that confident stride that would make people turn and give her a second look, not the shy awkward girl she was now. she would live in a beautiful house, with an attic all her own where she would paint. the attic would have a full-glass window at one end, from which one could gaze out on the countryside or the sea. she would dress beautifully everyday, be the most charming hostess anyone had ever seen and be the best at everything there was. and then one day, she would sit on a beautiful dark-wood rocking chair in an emerald-green sari whose pallu would be draped elegantly over the armrest, with an expression that would arrest even the most prolific of painters. poised deep in thought, she would remember the girl she had been and the dream she had had. and she would smile – and she would wish that she could visit that little girl in a dream and kiss her forehead and say, “dont worry, everthing will turn out just fine. you will turn out just fine.”

she sits at her laptop smiling at the memory and the dream. for some reason, the vivid image of her as a grown woman in that emerald-green sari seems…well…ironic. for her preferred apparel of shorts and t-shirt seems so plebian in contrast to her grandiose vision. and as for the huge house that would have held swanky parties, she prefers her cosy little appartment and the close friends’ nights that involve movies and icecream. and she smiles at the naive expectations of the little girl that she once was. for as life has gone on and she has truly grown up, she has learnt that it is so much more than what she once thought it was…and she wants to back in time to kiss the little girl on her forehead and tell her, “everything is perfect, you are perfect, right now.”

looking for my home

they say home is where the heart is. and a place that my heart belongs to is something i am yet to find. having lived away from my hometown for many years now, and adopting another country as my homestay, i sometimes feel that i dont know where my allegiances lie. coming to the place of my birth has its own charm – listening to the local chatter, exploring the huge new stores and little hole-in-the-wall shops, seeing folks who have known me since my birth. it has a touch of nostalgia, a feeling of slipping into a world that is far removed from the daily routines of a life i have left behind for a short period. but going back to the place in which i live is something i look forward to as well – the familiar skylines, the feeling of stepping back into my appartment, meeting up with a close friend and getting updated with week-old news. it is a place in which i have freedom beyond social restrictions, where i have friends with whom there is no need to take up where we left off, where life flows in a smooth rythm.

so where does my home truly lie? which one claims my loyalty and which one my love? but then again, shouldn’t both be addressed to one? and if so, which one would that be? and this is where life sometimes has a way a making of shifting the angle of the lens through which we view life. for while the sights may have been crystal clear upto a point, they may sometimes appear blurred, forcing us to take a closer look – and making us realise that deeper shifts have taken place with us.

that moment in time

there are some moments in time we will always remember – they can be happy or sad, fulfilling or disappointing, a time when wishes are granted or even taken away. but for me, a time has come now that i cant place in any of those categories – it encompasses all angles of the spectrum, and seems to have brought my life thus far in a complete circle. from one point all the way round to end – but only life is like one of those spirals, so one circle does not end but instead leads into another. so here i am at the start of a new phase.

in the past, i always conjured my own versions of new starts – with moving to a new neighbourhood or to a new country, with me buying my own house, with marriage, with career appointments that were congratulatory in their very nature. and time and experience have shown me that this is not always so. that new beginnings lie within us. it is that point when we decide to tie up loose ends and move on, when we decide that we are going to make something more of life from this point on, when we look back and smile and then forge ahead. when we make a pitstop and start again on our journey, shedding the tiredness of the days gone by and resolving to carry forth with all we have.

and didn’t someone say that when the journey is complete, we find that we have travelled from ourself to our self. so, maybe the biggest breaks and most profound beginnings do not lie with the life we live, they lie within.